On Statuses...

Theoretically, ‘Status’ refers to a ‘rank’ or a ‘position’ or a ‘grading’ or a ‘standing’. But thanks to Instant Messengers, the word seems to have taken on a new definition altogether. For example, even as I type this, Sumi’s status reads ‘Zapped!’, Suraj’s reads ‘Sleeping’, Vidhya’s reads ‘Working…’, Neha’s has her blog link, and most importantly, mine says ‘The Eye Has It’, because my left eye has gone all weird and red and I think it might be conjunctivitis.

So, limited status options are passé; today, statuses have varied statuses and roles to play. Sometimes they tell us how or what one is feeling right then, sometimes they are meant to puzzle and evoke related questions and sometimes, they are there for plain amusement.

A certain friend, ‘A’, shall I call him, had a weird question as his status today. It said “Am I Fickle-Minded, Rude…and blah-blah and RANDOMLY SICK?” I immediately pinged him and asked him why he wanted to know something like that. “Because someone told me I was like that”, he said.

I particularly think statuses give one away. Highlight one’s insecurities too, at times. Like when ‘A’ told me why his status was like that, I immediately asked him what he perceived himself to be. I told him that one idiot denigrating him did not mean he ought to demean himself. Luckily, he realized. And his status is now something much more cheerful. 

Some smart ones stick to the template statuses, but other frivolous, zany, spirited and most importantly NUTTY souls like me prefer to design their own spicy catch-phrases. The best part about a status, I think, is that it gets people to notice you - and talk to you. There have been times when I haven’t spoken to someone for a fairly long period of time, but a beguiling status message has persuaded me to start a conversation with the person. And we have started having more regular conversations post that, courtesy - that one intriguing status.

It’s strange, and sweet, how one simple invention can play such versatile roles. I have no idea whose brainchild it was, but kudos to him or her. Mr. or Ms. Status probably did not even realize the significance of that one little brainwave. As for my status currently, you can say it is “Clueless as to how to end this post”. So I guess I’ll just sign off, leaving you all to ponder for a minute about statuses and their consequences!

Much Love,

Me.

Dil, Dosti Etc.

Watched Class of ’84 yesterday. And it was, like they say, “Paisa Vasool”.

The play begins when seven friends meet up as a group for the first time in twenty-two years after their eighth friend dies. And they talk, reliving old memories, burying old hatchets and digging up new ones. Although it has no storyline in particular, it tells many stories in that short span of ninety minutes. It talks of adjustments in marriages, of unconsummated love stories, of prolonged singlehood, of successful and unsuccessful careers and their vices, of secrets untold, and a lot more. But most importantly, it deals with friendships. Not just how they start off and end, but also all that happens in between.

And, as always, I was forced to think.

I am twenty-three, and not thirty-nine, like the characters in the play. And yet, I know I don’t have to wait for sixteen more years to witness the ups-and-downs in friendship. But, when I look back sixteen years later, I will definitely ask myself how much of a role I had to play in keeping, or breaking, any relationship that I experienced.

People say that I ‘nurture relationships beautifully’. That I do the best I can to keep them intact. The general idea is that to maintain a bond, one needs to give unconditionally, and give happily. What bugs me is that this is exactly what I have been doing, for all the relationships that matter to me - and yet, not all of them have turned out successful. In fact, sometimes when I think of all the ties that soured in the last two years, I actually start questioning myself, and my integrity in them. It pains me like crazy when I think of those friends…of Ally, of Aalap…and…maybe even Ron. I don’t understand why, despite my best efforts, these bonds withered away. Sometimes I wish, like a stupid little four-year old who lives in the world of fairy-tales, that a beautiful fairy would come down from the heavens, and set things right with a simple swish of her wand.

But then, I wonder…have I ever, ever done anything, to initiate this disintegration? No matter how hard I struggle to find a ‘yes’, I always fail. And I know that when I look back, at the age of forty, or even earlier or later, this ‘failure’ to find an answer in the affirmative, is something I’ll always be proud of. Because somehow, despite being an only child, and having most of…heck,let’s face it, ALL of my whims and fancies fulfilled, and sitting like a queen on the lap of luxuries, I have been lucky enough to value everything and everyone in my life. I do not build relationships for my own vested interests – I build relationships with those I love, because they deserve to be loved. And if they turn away, yes, it does hurt really badly, but I have a feeling, that someday, when Ally, Aalap…and…most definitely Ron…look back on their lives, and think of me, they will wish that it was one bond they had kept, and not allowed to wither. I am not saying I will have the last laugh; friendship is not about laughing at someone when you know you are right and your friend is wrong. But I know that I will never feel guilty.

I know all my blog posts are, and all of them in future will be, stuffed and encrusted with emotions. To many, I probably sound like an emotional, idealistic idiot. Maybe I am one. But my absolute loyalty, obstinacy and genuineness go hand in hand with my emotions, my idealism and my idiocy – like it, or lump it. I’ll admit unabashedly that at times when my relationships go sour, I feel like I am a very wrong person. But that feeling passes in a while. What remains, is the confidence that some years down the line, when I look back on all the people in my life, I will not be the one harbouring guilt. Because come what may, I will remain the person who knows how to value relationships and people. Forever.

Much Love,

Me.

Just Sometimes...

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could erase it all. Like the delete function in a computer. So that there would be no memories, none at all. There will only be Bliss.

Sometimes. Just sometimes.